Adapting is NOT Failing

This is a lesson that I have struggled with for a few years. It wasn’t until I read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear and had a few real life experiences that I realized its truth. (Will recommend this book until I die.)

“Adapting Is Not Failing,” And in the same breath, “The only way to fail, is to not try at all or to stop trying all together.”

I and many others have been under the impression that if we can not fulfill a goal or task the exact way in which it was originally intended, that you have failed.

A personal example is when I set my goal to read 12 books in a year. Ironically, even though I am a writer, it takes me forever to read a book in its entirety. I visualize everything, so my (ADHD) mind wanders. Plus, I get bored of one book then jump to another to the point where I have 5 books started but none finished. Safe to say, I did not reach my goal. And yet, I kept the same goal for the following year. So, what did I change? Some of the books I read the old-fashioned way. Paperback and bookmarks. Some books I got on my Kindle, which somehow I manage to read faster on as long as there aren’t distractions. And then I discovered Libby and Audible. As an auditory learner, this was the achievable route to my goal.

I got in so much trouble with the reading snobs though. “Listening to a book is not the same as reading a book,” they would say. And though I understood the definite difference between looking at the words and physically reading versus listening to the book, what is the matter with adapting to how I process information the best?

Another example would be from this past year when I realized that attempting to keep my workout schedule from the summer to the winter was simply not possible for my mental health. And so I adapted. I cut back on heavy lifting and focused more on walking, body weight workouts, and some days, just movement was the ultimate accomplishment. But I felt so guilty. Like I had already failed at my fitness goals because I could keep up with my original plan for the whole year.

That’s when I realized, with some encouragement from my village, that I hadn’t failed at all. I adapted in order to continue towards my goal. I hadn’t quite moving or even working out. Just like I hadn’t stopped absorbing knowledge just because I now shift between physical and audio books.

I adapted to thrive.

I found myself wondering why I and so many others have this philosophy ingrained into our being and came up with the following:

It occurred to me that doing things the exact same way as others had before would prevent any kind of growth or progress on the matter. And I was sure that problem solving skills would most certainly suffer.

As long as the goal is achieved or the task is complete, who the fuck cares how you got there…as long as laws, morals, and values weren’t broken along the way.

It could come from how we were raised at home…Vacuuming in a different direction than our parents, folding towels one way and one way only, or even washing the dishes. (This was a big debate in our house. Sponge or cloth and water running but draining or a dirty sink or pot full of water?)

But it could also be the school and religious systems. Learning one way to solve a math problem. (Don’t get me started on Common Core. Yes, there is a place for it but I don’t think it should be the first way taught and not all the kids need to learn it that way…but I digress.) How to break up and sound out words. Or forcing natural lefties to write with their right hand only so you can berate them for their awful handwriting.

This takes me back to the belief, which I do personally believe, that the only absolutes are change and death. Why should anyone care how you fold a damn towel? Is it hurting anyone? No. So let the kid explore the possibilities and discover their way. Not only are they developing problem solving skills and gaining a voice to be heard and valued, but the job still gets done. And more than likely, because there wasn’t a struggle for the task, they’re more apt to continue or do it again. Isn’t this part of the definition of Free Will? Doing things our own way? The problem is that free will, even in the areas not defined by law, is being judged by our own peers.

Not only should we respect the differences in others, but you deserve to respect yourself enough to realize when something isn’t working and is putting your goals at risk. You don’t always have to fight through it. Progress is not linear, nor does it look the same for everyone. So go back to the drawing board...Regroup, re-prioritize, adapt, and proceed. Because you fucking can.

B.E. Well

Your Coach,

Carolyn Stiles