Flash Of Shadows: Angel Bear

My earliest memory had to have been when I was about 2 or 3. I was at my grandparents house. My parents would have been divorced by then, but we visited my Dad and his parents. They had an enclosed pool with a diving board. I remember having my swimmies on, standing outside of the pool, and watching my Dad on the diving board…jump, jump, and dive.

My first Shadow Memory would have been around 3-4 years old. It was my mom, sister, and myself. There was a big burly man in the living room with my mom. My sister and I were in the kitchen with the dividing sliding hidden wooden door cracked just enough for me to see what was happening. He slapped my mom…hard. And though I don’t remember much more than that moment of him, I knew he was bad news.

As an adult, I was told that this man also slammed my back against a wall and kept my sister and I hostage in the bathroom. Keeping my mom from getting us.

There was a man. Skinnier than the one previously mentioned, but within a couple years of each other. And as memory morphs the farther away from the event, especially at such a young age, I discovered that I got these two men confused, though the events are as told.

As I remember, this man used to hold a caring piece in my heart. All I remember of him was we were in our yard. He bent over slightly and handed me this little angel bear. It was small, about the size of a T.V. remote and tanned blonde. But the blue gown with little white stars was 2-3 times the bear’s size. And it wore one of those sparkly silver pipe cleaners as a halo. It was my Angel Bear. I remember the feeling I had when he gave it to me. A warmth of caring.

Again, come to find out as an adult that this man had also abused my mom. Though I wonder if maybe he didn’t abuse me and that’s why I felt no fear or anger towards him.

If you or someone you know are in a domestic abuse situation, please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.